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A very busy Tomato

Updates Will Resume After Next Weekend! Busy With Annie! :)

Saturday With The Sea of Stories

Hey, guys!

I've realized something lately. If you've got no one to share your life with, if you're alone, than you might as well be broke.

Wait, no, that's a line from Annie. Sorry, the stress of the play must be getting to me. But I HAVE realized something! The whole concept of a rigid schedule, where I have to talk about a specific something, has kind of deterred me from blogging. I'm going to restart the Scratchpad tomorrow, but other than that, there'll be no more scheduled things over here! Instead, I promise to write something, anything, on this blog every Saturday. It could be about anything. Time travel, Lost, writing, peanut butter in a tube, it'll be a surprise! (Thanks to CBR's Greg Hatcher for the "weekly column"idea He's awesome, and you should click on this link and look at his stuff.) So, the question here is: what will I be talking about today?

Well, today I'll be talking about a specific quote from a book I've never read.* It sounds weird, but bear with me.**

During LA X, the season 6 premiere of Lost***, Desmond is shown reading a book called Haroun and the Sea of Stories. The fans of Lost, knowing the writers' tendency to show characters reading books that mirror future events in the show, immediately took to Google and searched Hauron. The specific quote they found? "What's the use of stories that aren't even true?"

So, today, I'm taking a crack at that question. Is fiction important, and, if so, why should we care about it?

First of all, fiction is going to be my main source of income, so, yeah, that's pretty important.

Oh, you meant "why is fiction important to people other than you?" Well then, you really should be more specific next time. In my opinion, fiction is important because it's a way to explore humanity without actually exploring reality. Let me clarify.

Time for a little poll: how many of you have read a book, read a comic, watched a movie, or played a video game, and then afterwards thought just how much of a manipulative, no-good, toxic piece of donkey crap a certain character is? Another poll: how many of you have done the reverse of the above, seeing a moment so undeniably awesome that you want to run up and hug the character? Last poll: how many of you would be comfortable with either of the situations in real life?

Survey says...

*DING!* None of you would!

See, guys? There's you're answer. As humans, we tend to think of ourselves in terms of extremes. That person who just cut in front of you in the line for the movie ticket? A piece of flaming scum with the brains of an ant and a black hole for a soul! Chuck Norris? A perfect manifestation of all thing pure, good, and awesome whose tears can heal the sick, and who can fight any force of evil with both hands behind his back! We choose this line of thought because it eliminates any "gray areas". There's choice A, or choice B. It's hard to believe that Hitler ever did a single good deed, or that George Washington ever did evil. It's hard for us to think of ourselves as a mixture of "good" and "bad, "yin" and "yang".

That's exactly why we need fiction. To ponder ourselves in a distant, detached way. To think about Earth through the lens of another planet, to think about America through Camazotz, to think about religion through Superman, justice through Batman, peace through Wonder Woman. There's no use to stories that aren't true, because when it all boils over, every story contains truth.

Tomato

*It's in my library que as we speak, though

**I just realized how funny "bear" is as a homonym! :D

***How's the Lost watching coming, Mrs. N?

SIDENOTE:

I apologize for spacing issues in this and in all subsequent posts. Blogger adds the spacing gaps, and I can't fix them. I've contacted Blogger's support, and hopefully it'll be fixed soon.

Top 5 (Most Idiotic) Alien Invasion Strategies

Hey, guys!

Snow days make me EXCITED! A blog-posting shot in the arm, if you will. They're great for reading, as well. But, before I retreat to a cushy armchair and flip through Fables: Wolves, I thought I'd comment on an ever-growing pandemic of science fiction.

Our aliens are frakkin' stupid.

I mean, seriously, ladies and gentlemen, these guys are supposed to be the doom-bringers of the human race. We're supposed to shake in our collective boots the minute we see a flying saucer, but I'm not even sure our conquerors can tell their right tentacle/psionic appendage from their left one!

Now, I know some of you are sitting at your computer screens and complaining at me as we speak. "ALIENZ AREN'T TEH STUPIDZ, YOU BEEP-BEEPING-BEEPER!!!! JEAN-LUC PICARD WILL KILLZ U IN UR SLEEPZ!!!"

Oh, you want to play it that way?! You asked for it!These are the top five most idiotic alien invasion tactics!

5. Land my ship near a big city/government building.

I would think this'd be a no brainer, but according to several legions of malevolent aliens, I must be wrong. Somebody apparently didn't get the memo from the Persians that it's probably a good idea to sneak up on your targets inconspicuously, instead of landing a huge, metallic airship the size of Manhattan next to the White House, a spot where kajillions of tourists come every day. Plus, it scoffs up the lawn. As Americans, we must protect our lawns.

4. Kidnap human test subjects.

I don't know which half-brained Skrull came up with the idea that it was a good idea to kidnap and/or mutate several humans. Not only is it incredibly conspicuous to just up and kidnap several people, but then you've just tripped the police, army, navy, and air force of at least the country you've kidnapped, not to mention all of those groups of any country who feels threatened by the incursion. Here's a swell idea: why not just, y'know, wait until you've conquered Earth to like, genetically engineer them to grow gold nuggets out of their eyeballs?

3. Teach humans the native language.

Hey, kids! You know a good way to subjugate a race of slaves? Teach them your language. That way, they'll be able to hear and/or read any correspondences you have with your fellow aliens, possibly leading to a rebellion. That a good thing! Right? Right? Wait a second...


2. Leaving a lone survivor.
Every time I see this happen in a movie, book, show, or comic, I want to punch a hole through something. A LARGE HOLE! It usually goes something like this: alien invaders ransack a small town or village, and think they've killed every man, woman, and child living there. It was an easy victory, and they've got enough manpower and weaponry left to blow any survivor to bits. Then, upon further inspection, they find one lone survivor, usually a little kid/old lady/girl, but decide to spare them, even though THEY HAVE PLENTY OF TIME AND RESOURCES to kill the person. Look, I'm not advocating a large scale alien xenocide or anything, but if you're going to to that kind of thing, at least be thorough for once! There's almost an 100% guarantee that the kid you've spared will grow up to be Jackie Chan. Or Harry Potter. Or Batman. Or Rambo. Or Hercules.

And the number one stupid alien invasion tactic is...



1. Nuke the White House or another government building.

Dear Galactic Overlords,

I'm pretty sure that you missed the whole conference that all the good historic villains had in the era of Feudalism. It was about this strange new concept called stealth. I'll give you a quick primer. When engaging in warfare, it's usually best if you can do something called a sneak attack. Causing a big explosion at a public place is not a good idea in the initial stages of your takeover. Look, I'm all for blowing things up in the most gratuitous way as you possibly can, but it may be a good idea to like, stratgize or something before you go ahead nuking things.

Well, that concludes our...

AHHH!

Uggh..... WHAT? Oh, um...

What I clearly meant to say there was that aliens are peaceful, kind, and humble creatures who want nothing more than to help us.

Heh, heh.

Tomato

Ban-anas!

I don't like bananas, honestly. It's weird, because I'm usually a fruit kind of person. (Except, ironically, for tomatoes. ICK!)

So, readers, you know what I decided yesterday? I don't like bananas. Nobody needs to be exposed to this heinous fruit. Giving our children bananas inhibits their morality. First they read about bananas, and then they think "hey, it's okay to eat bananas all day! This guy in the book I read ate a banana, so bananas are AWESOME!"

We simply cannot have this happen. We need, in order to ensure the well-being of our children. to take action. There's a movie out there, currently sitting on the shelves of nearly every public library in America, called Remember The Titans. This movie, under the guise of a light-hearted family film, tries to subliminally smuggle bananas into the back door. In fact, the movie does not only contain suggestions of bananas, but shows the main role model of the film consuming, and then sharing, a banana! The floodgates have been opened, ladies and gentlemen, for otherwise good people to be exposed to this horrible fruit. The movie is practically a banana free-for all! The character of Ronnie Bass breaks into a banana plant and raids it, feeling no guilt or remorse. In fact, the villian of the movie eats three whole bunches of bananas, and tells the hero that bananas are the way to eternal life, that life is all about obtaining and cultivating these monstrosities.

It could be argued, my friends, that it's illogical to ban something from fiction that occurs in the real world day-to-day. However, that does not excuse writers of fiction from being morally responsible. They have no possible legitimate reason to include bananas in their fiction, espescially if it could end up in the hands of your children.

I encourage you to take action in your community. There are, no doubt, other fruits that could harm our children. They're being swept under the rug as we speak, and only you can take action, as a concerned parent, for the community.

Thanks,
Tomato